So I have decided the topic of my paper is going to be the general lack of relation and overall disconnect between the people of the United States, personified by O'Brien's recount, and the leadership and government, embodied by the commanding officers and orders O'Brien comments on in the novel If I Die In A Combat Zone. There are numerous examples to support this, from a handful of chapters including Beginning, Escape, Alpha Company, Centurion, and the most brutally objective Step Lightly. Posted below is my introductory paragraph, which I think is pretty good. What I would really appreciate however, is how can I create 6 pages out of this? How should I go about the ensuing paragraphs? I am not sure how to do that right now and I feel I would just "mess it up" as of right now. Help would be most appreciated.
Sam Blackman
Tim O’Brien’s If I Die in a Combat Zone, box me up and ship me home, Delivers a powerful example of the disconnect between soldier and leader present throughout the entire Vietnam military campaign. The lack of incontrovertible evidence calling for American men to go to war created a rift between those who were on the front lines, facing the real danger of dieing and those at the top echelon of command, dictating orders objectively according to the government’s grand scheme regardless of the efficiency or the human cost. This is made evident by O’Brien and his blunt tools of language- the use of simple adjectives and sentences full of irony convey to the reader his overwhelming disdain for the Vietnam war, the stupidity of his commanding officers (particularly the lieutenants after Johansen) and the unfortunate effect a draft army in a distant war has on drawing a majority of dull-witted, ignorant men with little to lose.
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I think that the message within the memoir that you have identified is compelling. Your thesis surely seems to be argumentative. I might suggest that you break up a couple of these sentences (namely the second one) so that they are more clear. I see that you will focus on O'Brien's use of language and argue that those techniques are the means by which he conveys his message about government. Overall, I think you've done a really good job of answering the central aspect of the prompt. I believe I understand what you said in the introductory paragraph, but like I said, I think you should break up some of the sentences and use more clear and concise language.
ReplyDeleteYou mentioned that you needed ideas about expanding on the introductory paragraph to create a six page paper. One way to do that is to recall specific moments in the book that correspond to what you're arguing. Quote specific incidences of the "blunt tools," the "simple adjectives," and the "irony." Then analyze these examples to relate back to your main argument about the larger theme of "government." Another tactic you could use in expanding your paper is to revisit the prompt. It offers quite a few instructions, so if you try to answer the questions and accomplish each of the goals that are outlined, you'll have a full paper in no time. Hope this helps. Good luck!
Sam,
ReplyDeleteI like the thesis and there are some good ideas here, but attempting to do anything more than outline ideas for the paper in the opening paragraph will disrupt your writing. You should try to make reference to points you will be making in the paper while not going into specific detail about any. As for stretching it, you can just outline more ideas on which you want to discuss, maybe other literary devices being used by O'Brien. Each literary device you observe him using translates to a paragraph of the paper and examples from the text will also be key in your analysis of specific stylizing of sentences. I think this first paragraph is a fine start and by fortifying it with additional ideas you can get to the length easily.
Good Luck,
Brett